Today I will have hope. Relax into the process of mothering these boys. Knowing I am the best person for this job despite being quite imperfect. This trying harder and anxiety over all the little ways that I fail every day is dragging at my soul.
I want to be more myself and less the picture of who I think I should be. I am not an ideal. I am myself. I am their mother. I want to be who I was created to be and to balance the improving and the grace of resting in that process. I will allow His Spirit to work in me and stop trying to do all the work myself. Stop trying to make it seem like I am who I want to be. Who I think I should be. But rather, love myself in this place of imperfection and especially, love these boys as they grow.
I am attempting, once again, to wait with contented anticipation.