Nothing has made me see this more than becoming a parent (I should have noticed after marriage but I think I was turning a very blind eye - pretty sure Dan figured it out quickly...).
Take right now; R is eating a sandwich - incorrectly - (GASP!) I am annoyed. I really shouldn't care how he eats a sandwich. But I have been influencing his sandwich eating preferences since I handing him his first PB&J. For a while he would yell when it fell apart. (Because I had spent so much time putting them back together to minimize messes) He would say "NO, NO, NO! Fall 'Part!" "Put 'gether!" Then I got annoyed at his incessant complaining about the frail state of sandwiches. He has now moved past that stage and has adopted his own preferences for eating his PB&J. Sometimes they include pulling them apart and eating all the jelly before putting it back together to eat the rest. Or just eating each slice of bread separately. The Nerve!
Some lessons I learn very slowly.
Sometimes I think it's the frustration of being raised with so few guidelines and direction (we were free range kids to the max and I have some real issues with self-discipline), which causes me to worry about how R learns. I so want him to be given the tools to succeed and to thrive. But for whatever reason; I really must learn to stop imposing every preference of mine onto his little life - we would have a lot less power struggles that way.
The responsibility of nurturing and raising children lays so heavy sometimes. I was talking to Dan about my sandwich issues and his response was "Stop ruining him!" (not helpful). But it's so easy to feel like that's all on me (on us) and despair since I am continually failing to meet my own standards (much less anyone else's). One of my biggest frustrations is my anger at my own failures continually getting in the way of parenting well.
I keep coming back to Grace
I need to parent with more Grace - both for my children and for my husband and sometimes especially for myself. And I must give up control; this tight jawed, shoulder raised, frowny-faced attitude that causes me so much frustration. Deep Breaths...
A great moment from today: Picnic with my boys
Happy to find you following the recommendation from Tmuffin.com Versatile Blogger Award :) I think your blog post shows so much self awareness and I love how we tend to either follow the mould of our own parenting or work hard to go in the opposite direction. You talk about being free range and now struggling with self discipline. I was bought up without emotional nurturing so I struggle not to smother my child. Funny how we do these things, but you and I both now that Grace includes finding the middle road - not swaying so far out in one direction that we end up giving our kids the opposite issues to the ones we had LOL! Keep up the great work with your blog :)
ReplyDeleteRae aka mrs green @littlegreenblog.com