Today I allowed myself to breathe.
And I actually accomplished more that way. My in-laws came to visit with my beautiful niece and R was too excited to eat lunch!
The little ones and Nanna played on the playground and they screamed for joy at the military helicopter that flew over four or more times.
We came home. R nursed and was read to. He napped without fuss. I said goodbye to our visitors and took baby J to bed hoping for a nap myself. He nursed and I remembered to see him and take him in this time. Not just catch up on twitter and waste these precious moments. Though I did write some encouragement to my cousin who is having a rough time breastfeeding. I am blessed. I forget.
R woke up before he wanted to and he came to my bed just as I was about to fall asleep. He woke J then fell back asleep himself. I nursed J again and then again. And I got hungry. R didn't want to eat. He wanted to sleep. It is 6:30pm not naptime anymore!
We go grocery shopping. And get gross fast food because I don't want to cook. J practices crawling and R and I eat greasy food and smile at each other.
It's late and I'm tired. No nap happened for me. I get grumpy. I start that "I just want to do my own thing for a moment can't you kids entertain yourselves?" R and I read his favorite book together. He finishes the sentences and recites some of them on his own. He is adorable. J is fussy. He bites me while nursing with those brand new teeth of his. I jump and reactively smack at the thing causing me pain. And tear up realizing I smacked his cheek. I apologize. It's not looking so hot for our night.
We have drama. I'm harsh with myself and the boys. But we get to bed. I read and stay up too late and then write a blog post cause I can. Now J is awake for a midnight feeding.
I will snuggle and be joyful
I will love
I will forgive myself and move into tomorrow without guilt